just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
