I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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