if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
