It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
