Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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