He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think i have two assholes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
