I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize