if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
