She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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