I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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