3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
