gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize