The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
