probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
is it fun? or sober?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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