Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
