Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
