I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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