He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
