Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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