i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
