I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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