And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
