Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
