I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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