I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
