if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
