why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
