Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
