I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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