I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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