He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
