whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
