I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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