I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
