just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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