Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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