i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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