Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
