"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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