I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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