Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
