It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
