so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
