I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
