using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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