And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
