The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
