Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
