Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
