so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
