I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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