I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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