I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
