My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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