Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
