so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
