nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
