it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
