he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
