the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
