I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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