Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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