Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
