Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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