90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
