Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize