foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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